December 19, 2025

How to Prepare for a Family Reunion

How to stay calm at your next family reunion.

After moving halfway across the world (far away from toxic relatives), my holidays have never been more joyful. But every now and then, I have nightmares about awkward family reunions.

If you’re hosting (or attending) one this year, here’s a few things you’re probably dreading:

🟣 Unsolicited advice from a meddling aunt

🟣 Bro science from your sister’s boyfriend

🟣 Grown-ups acting like petulant children

A big family dinner always sounds good on paper. And it absolutely can be… with the right medication. 😏 But no matter how hard you try, it won’t be perfect. And as much as you want to, you won’t be “yourself”.

Relax. Take a breath. This is totally normal.

The more time we spend around people we know from childhood, the more we revert to a script we didn’t write. This isn’t a coincidence. It’s science. We inherit 3 behavioral scripts from family:

1. 🦜 Replicative
2. ✅ Corrective
3.💡 Improvised

A replicative script involves repeating behaviors, such as saying things you hated hearing as a kid. Your subconscious loyalty to tradition.

A corrective script involves changing behaviors adopted from family. This may include moving away or cutting ties to “correct” the situation.

An improvised script involves rewriting behavior out of necessity. You’re not repeating or correcting as much as adapting to new circumstances.

So how do you abandon the script? According to psychologists, you can’t.

“The truth is that no matter how much you think you are “not like your parents” or you will do things differently, scripts don’t go away. The best way to change your behavior is to own the scripts you inherited and improvise on them.”

— Why Do We Behave Like Our Parents (Psychology Today)

As someone who unlearned a LOT of behaviors as an adult, I thought my general script was mostly “corrective” and “improvised”. Yet every now and then I catch myself acting like a lunatic.

Turns out, it’s always around family.

Here are some characters you might recognize from your own family, with ✍️SCRIPT NOTES✍️ to help you keep you stay calm (and sober).

The Rich Relative

(The White Lotus)

Rich relatives are a walking contradiction. They convince us money’s the root of all evil and simultaneously make us wish we had more. I mean, you know your family’s fucked when you start to see them in The White Lotus.

Don’t feel bad for not catching it sooner. Money has a way of concealing everything. Take it from a psychotherapist whose clientele consists of billionaires:

“There is a perception that money can immunize you against mental health problems when actually, I believe that wealth can make you — and the people closest to you — much more susceptible to them.”

✍️ Script notes: Don’t try to fix their problems or expect them to change overnight. Instead, seat them next to the crypto-cousin. Punishment fits the crime.

The Bossy Relative

(The Sopranos)

Look, we’re all a little insecure…

But some of us are so far gone, we need you to agree with everything we say. Our insensitive views, our fucked up politics, our condescending comments about anyone who challenges us.

This is the person who won’t bend, not even for a toddler. So skip those explosive arguments and bring out a fun board game.

Studies show that individuals high in neuroticism and extraversion tend to enjoy games that provide structure, a sense of control, and the chance to validate their thinking.

✍️ Script notes: Let ’em win. They’re happy, you’re happy, the kids… well, they’ll live.

The Change-Seeking Relative

(House of Lies)

For every stubborn Sasquatch, there’s a voice of reason that sets the record straight. Trump, hypocrisy, war in the Middle East, they’ll go where you and I are afraid to go — exposing facts that would make any historian proud.

There’s just one fact these brainiacs tend to ignore: We didn’t gather for civic discourse. We gathered for a meal with a borderline psycho. (It’s okay, we all have one in the family!)

And you know what happens when you try to reason with the unreasonable? The dinner gets cold and the mood turns sour. No one wins, especially not the kids.

✍️ Script notes: You can’t be mad at these folks, they’re just saying what everyone’s thinking. Thank them for their service and give ’em a generous helping of your “special” brownies.

* Weed. The special ingredient is weed.

The Pot-Stirring Relative

(The Wendy Williams Show)

These folks get a bad rap for being malicious. But it’s not their fault the party’s a snooze-fest. 💅

Love ’em or hate ’em, pot-stirrers create the most ~~notorious~~ memorable family moments — entertaining everyone from infants to the elderly. Expect drama, scandal, and generational trauma.

Sure, it’ll seem like a big deal at first. But everyone will be laughing about it years from now… (if you’re still speaking).

✍️ Script notes: If you’re petty like me, tip off the pot-stirrer. Then sit back and watch those fireworks go off. Better than New Year’s. 10/10 recommend.

The Preachy Relative

(The Office)

It’s one thing if your entire family’s religious. You share the same values and worship the same god, Hallelujah for you!

But if you’ve got a preacher in the midst of a bunch of non-believers, expect a prickly sermon about turning your back on your lord and savior.

“But it’s Christmas!” they’ll say. “It’s in the name.” Aaaand your name’s Aunt Joy, see how that works?

✍️ Script notes: I dunno. Spray some holy water. See what happens.

Bottomline

(Malcolm in The Middle)

Every family has a few nut-jobs — ain’t nothin’ you can do about it. The only act you can control is your own.

So drink, be merry, have a laugh, and remember: you too get to be a nut-job! (See note on pot-stirring.)

According to Michael Wiederman, Psychology Professor at Columbia College: “Later, in adulthood, when the amount of time and energy available for socializing is more limited, people tend to prune away social selves that are most different from their core personality.”

I’ll drink to that. 🥂

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